Comedian and writer Victoria Wood has posthumously won the legend of comedy award at the Leicester Comedy Festival. Here are some of her best quotes – from one-liners to her groundbreaking As Seen on TV show and sitcoms.
“I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don’t know who got my moped but I’ve been driving that Peugeot for years.”
“People think I hate sex. I don’t. I just don’t like things that stop you seeing the television properly.”
“Life’s not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.”
“Sexual harassment at work – is it a problem for the self-employed?”
“I thought Coq au Vin was love in a lorry.”
Her famous Ballad of Barry and Freda song (Let’s Do It)
“Let’s do it, let’s do it, do it till our hearts go boom.
Go native, creative, living in the living room.
This folly is jolly;
Bend me over backwards on me hostess trolley!
Let’s do it, let’s do it tonight.”
On having a baby
“Ante-natal classes are run by liars. When you’re having a baby for the first time what you really need to know is, ‘what’s it going to be like’? And they won’t tell you.”
“When you’re in the middle of having a baby, it’s a bit like watching two very inefficient removal men, trying to get a very large sofa through a very small doorway. Only in this case you can’t say, ‘Oh sod it, bring it through the French windows’.”
From Dinnerladies, the sitcom she created and starred in
“Excuse me, this tuna and sweetcorn, it’s all mixed up.”
Brenda Furlong (Victoria Wood): “Keep going.”
“What I really wanted was tuna and sweetcorn separately.”
Brenda Furlong (Victoria Wood): “We don’t do tuna and sweetcorn. We only do tuna ‘n’ sweetcorn.”
From Acorn Antiques, a parody soap opera, 1985-1987
Miss Babs (Celia Imrie): [on the phone] “Well, that certainly *sounds* like a genuine Picasso. But I would have to see it to be sure.”
Mrs Overall (Julie Walters): “Sometimes I think that being widowed is God’s way of telling you to come off the pill.”
A version of this story was first published on 20 April 2016.